how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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