Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's the barista slut.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
