I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
