..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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