why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
