You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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