I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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