Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
