Old men and throwing up are my life now.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
