bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
