My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
