there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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