he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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