So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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