i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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