I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
