you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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