If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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