The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
