It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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