singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
