Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
