If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
