From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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