Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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