my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
