I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
