Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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