the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
