Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
