Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
