he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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