no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
