god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
