the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
