i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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