once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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