happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
