I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
