Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
