i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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