The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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