I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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