You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
