I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
