I accidentally had phone sex last night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
