I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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