This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
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