Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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