My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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