in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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