he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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