If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
