well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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