you traded sex for a burrito?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I am one with the molecules
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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