Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
my poor anus
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
